How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
