I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
