I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
