i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
