So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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