if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
