today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
