There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i was born a porn star she said
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
