Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
