just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
