I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
