TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
