He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
