I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
