3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
