What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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