I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
