I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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