i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it was like eating out sand paper
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
