You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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