I'm so fucking centered right now
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
