dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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