I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
