Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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