Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
