We're like a lot better than the average bears
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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