At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
