All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
