You can't special order awesome
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
nutella sex= disaster
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You're like the curious george of whores
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
