I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
