I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
and eventually we just all took our pants off
the raccoons are back...
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