Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
