I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
