I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
