i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
