Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
