i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
