I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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