So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
