Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
