you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
