How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
