Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
