4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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