You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
