cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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