Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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