I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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