I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
