3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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