you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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