he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
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Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
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I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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