Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(614): View more from Ohio

If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.

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(216): View more from Ohio

She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(413): View more from Massachusetts

Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.

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(623): View more from Arizona

Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.

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(417): View more from Missouri

Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.

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(564): View more from Washington

Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.

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(858): View more from California

TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people

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