just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!