Texts From Last Night

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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail

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  (269): Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail http://tfl.nu/mrce
  Replies (8) Good night (3642) Bad night (925)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text

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  (810): I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text http://tfl.nu/8slp
  Replies (5) Good night (1084) Bad night (1808)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  You're perfectly engineered for doggy style

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  (778): You're perfectly engineered for doggy style http://tfl.nu/minq
  Replies (25) Good night (5780) Bad night (782)
• Favorite

  (636): View more from Missouri

  I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom

  (636): View more from Missouri

  You know how us drunks love counting steps

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  (636): I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom (636): You know how us drunks love counting steps http://tfl.nu/2dlf
  Replies (17) Good night (2694) Bad night (694)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"

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  (516): I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!" http://tfl.nu/g6w4
  Replies (81) Good night (5097) Bad night (1120)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Hookers taste better with whip cream

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too

  (417): View more from Missouri

  Fair enough

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  (417): Hookers taste better with whip cream (816): Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too (417): Fair enough http://tfl.nu/svnz
  Replies (45) Good night (4119) Bad night (1402)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.

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  (262): Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole. http://tfl.nu/sreo
  Replies (21) Good night (1210) Bad night (5285)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.

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  (412): He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it. http://tfl.nu/j347
  Replies (7) Good night (3137) Bad night (737)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.

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  (817): I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face. http://tfl.nu/oog9
  Replies (8) Good night (790) Bad night (3712)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that

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  (425): He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that http://tfl.nu/3z2y
  Replies (14) Good night (817) Bad night (2200)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned

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  (336): Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned http://tfl.nu/hhst
  Replies (4) Good night (1383) Bad night (2039)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?

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  (267): There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn? http://tfl.nu/pvdb
  Replies (4) Good night (1461) Bad night (1028)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.

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  (614): She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win. http://tfl.nu/wvwz
  Replies (4) Good night (1099) Bad night (333)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him

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  (734): Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him http://tfl.nu/qq0a
  Replies (0) Good night (484) Bad night (644)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.

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  (801): Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword. http://tfl.nu/ixwe
  Replies (1) Good night (371) Bad night (160)

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