I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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