Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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