its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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