HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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