we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
