I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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