Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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