Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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