Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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