They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
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It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
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I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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