My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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