i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
