Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
