Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize