dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
