So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
