I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
