yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
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