u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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