TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
