And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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