I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
