no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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