oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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