Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
