i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
